DAY 8: Accountability

Amidst all the spiritual and emotional storm brewing and raging here and there, exchange of hurting words, desperate and unChristian motives, unmet expectations and disappointments, I am sure of one thing, that I am accountable to only one person. I am accountable to my God. Nothing and no one else. I am choosing hope. I am choosing love.

The storm will subside, in His time. Just as He had calmed down the storm when His apostles were frightened. I am praying though that it would be soon. Heartbroken? Yes, I am. And I am hurt the most for those who have been trampled upon with all of what's happening, especially the least. We may never know what His plans are but I continue to pray for patience and understanding and more love, especially at the most difficult of times. Human love may have failed us but God's unconditional love won't.

Love will conquer all as it always has for God is LOVE. 

Praying continues...

*We may not feel the fruits of our action now, but someday we will. There is wisdom in turning the other cheek.

*From a Gandhi Movie: We will fight their anger but we will not provoke it. We will not strike a blow even if they do. We will feel pain and they will see it. And in our pain and determination they will be hurt. We will never fail. We cannot fail.

DAY 7: Countdown

I have never been so excited to go home in the last 22 years of my existence, not until now. Woot! Let the countdown begin!

But happy that I've found a family away from my family - my GK family. 

Soooooo excited to see my boys again. :)

Home is where your heart is. Treasure your HOME. 

DAY 6: Keep Going

Two days that I missed my 30 day challenge. Sunday was a busy day and I ended up sleeping the whole afternoon since I started that day as early as 1 AM. Planned to write in the bus going home but I forgot to charge my phone. Last night, when I was just excited to blog and list my things-to-do for the week, laptop goes toot-toot then shuts down. Over and over again. Tried it again today and still the same. Looks like I really have to visit the service center later. So I ended up sleeping since I got all aaaarrrghhh so I wasn't able to do the dishes and my laundry. Heart over mind, hormones.

But I woke up today feeling better. So I pushed myself. Keep going, Maymay. No one's gonna judge you anyway if you missed those two days. What matters is that you'll keep going. No looking back. No apprehensions. And time to bring the laptop to its service center. No point in sulking and analyzing where I have gone wrong and this has to happen when I have so much work to do. But, but, there will be better days ahead. This concern of mine is no big deal compared to the people around me and what they're going through right now. Breathe.


Wherever you are right now is where God wants you to be. 

DAY 5: Happy 23!

Happy 23rd wedding anniversary to the world's bestest parents. Thinking of all the hardships and sacrifices that you both have to give just to raise us up and get through with our every day never fails to bring tears to my eyes. Raising 9 kids in this day is not easy, but you made it seem like it is. And God always provides. at the right time. at the right place. I am proud to have you both in my life. Thank you for imparting to us the importance of simplicity, respect, honesty, love of God, country and family. I am blessed and the best anniversary gift than I can ever give you both is to become a better person and giving my best in serving the poor and living my life for my God. Love you both and I miss you. sooooo much. *tear*

To the world's bestest parents, no one could ever compare to the love and sacrifice that you have given us. The world is blessed to have you. We are blessed to have you. I am proud to have you both in my life. I miss you and I love you. Praying for more blissful years ahead and together for both of you. You make me what I am today.

*now time to hit the sack. Call time is at 1:30 AM. Excited!!

DAY 5: No Deep Posts for Today

No deep posts today. Just wanna say I miss my mama. A lot. And the rest of the family. So I posted here recent conversations I had with the family. 

mama: day, kanus.a ka muuli? me: secreto para bibo. di man kaha mo mubalhin og balay? mama: sige na ga ba. ingna ko ba. mamalhin mi ron. LOL

me: ma, manawag nako sa fone ni lyn2. mama: day, magskype lang ta. LOL. wow, social. mothers.

*funny family recent update from CEBU: kuya John is newly-elected as SBO Officer in their school. His role is to warn and report elementary kids who are bringing toys, celphones, MP3s and other non-school stuffs to school. And his first convicts: tantanananan, mark and matt. tsk3. haha. both were warned for bringing all their pogs to school. the best! and at home, mama has to do her best to explain to the two boys that kuya john's just doing his "job" and that they better be good or else.*

Time is treasure and I promise that when I'll be back, I'm spending every waking time with them. Excited!!

DAY 4: Journey

It's 10 PM and we're on our way to CamSur to prepare for the International Marathon. Just finished watching SALT. Makes me miss watching Jackie Chan movies with all the kicks, punches, and rollings and the fact that he does all the stunts excites me. Good thing the bus is "sosyal" so I don't have to bear watching those Japanese movies with morbid scenes that buses usually play on their TV. Rejoice! It's gonna be an 8-10 hour travel so that means I have time to blog and to pray and well, time to sleep. Woot!

I loooove and miss travelling and that's what makes me excited for this trip too! I think the love for travelling began way back then. Road trips, boat rides, those were my first forms of travel. Riding a plane cost a fortune back then. But we were so lucky that we have a number of relatives in the Air Force so we get to ride a couple of military planes more than I've ever ridden commercial planes as of the moment. But airports truly fascinates me and I can stay in one for long hours. I think. Haven't tried it though. I just love how airports are able to bring out different emotions in people. The heaviness in one's heart when a loved one has to depart and the anticipation and rejoicing that awaits the arrival of a loved one.

We were lucky to have an Ilonggo and Boholano descent so we get to travel a lot since we were young.My family just loooooove road trips, may it be just short or long hours spent on the road. We would tag along with Papa in his mission trips as this is his way of introducing us what he really is passionate about: God, country, family.

Travelling opened my mind and helped me learn a lot of new things and that's why I want to travel more. It has opened my heart to endless possibilities of being able to reach out and serve others. Travelling in groups gets me all giddy and I cherish those times that I get to travel alone. And I dream of travelling the world! Who doesn't? But I would very much like to be able to see and explore every island here in the Philippines too!

And as they always say, life is a journey. I too believe it is. To reach the final destination is the goal but it is important that we'd allow ourselves to enjoy the sights and scenes as we go through life. To overcome the bumpy and muddy rides, the traffic jam, the pitfalls, the scary waves, the raging wind and the storms. Make time for those that matters most which for me is my God, my family, my friends, the people who have been there for me, and those that need my love the most, the least. I am but a storyteller of these wonderful lives that I get to encounter from day to day. 

Take time to read a book, say a prayer, thank a stranger, thank a loved one, say sorry, write a letter, draw, dance, bathe in the rain, sing, walk, run, jump, stargaze, start a conversation, laugh, cry, breathe, and love. For when God welcomes you in your final destination, He will surely ask you if you were able to open your heart, if were you able to love. So as we continue to search and take our own journey, may we always be grateful and be reminded to love with all that we are, not counting the cost. For He first loved us.

DAY 3: Dear You

...this is gonna be a short post since I just got home from a Singles for Christ Christian Life Program and I have to prepare my stuff for our travel to CamSur tomorrow and I have to be early in the office tomorrow. Well, earlier than the time that I usually go to the office which is...okay, I won't tell cause I can hear you telling me, "That.is.not.at.all.early!!!" Another reason is that I have to finish writing the entry that I wrote last night in my other blog.  (That other blog no longer existed.) Tired, sleepy but totally psyched and excited!!!


I realized how much I miss the community that I grew up in and I love. So I can never find a better way to say everything that I want to say but in a way that I know best, writing a letter.


Dear You,
I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have nurtured my family and has been an excellent venue for my family to know and love God, to be closer to Him each and everyday. It is you who taught us that the greatest expression of loving God is going beyond oneself, beyond our family and beyond our community. So you have led us to the slums, to the lost, to the least, bringing with us the important values of caring and sharing that you have instilled in our minds and in our hearts. Thus, Gawad Kalinga was born.


Unforeseen circumstances and outrageous storms came that rocked our world which even made me question if this is still the will of God? But then again, who am I to question His wisdom of things not yet seen? And it ended up that my love for you have dwindled. That happened twice. Heartbroken. Wounded. I never thought that I would be able to cry on many consecutive nights and simply thinking of all the heartbreaks that this has caused on the people I love never fails to make me rush into somewhere secluded and made me shed a tear or two. I prayed earnestly. I prayed harder, harder than when I prayed for my little brother's bestfriend who we almost lost due to dengue. My papa never said anything but I know deep inside he was hurting. Really, really hurt. But then, as he always says, "Focus not on the mission of God but on the God of the mission." and that he would always remind me to just focus on doing what you've always taught us from the very start, to continue to share God's love and bring glad tidings to the poor disregarding someone's faith and belief but as long as someone needs our love and care.


I found myself being distant. But I know you know that I tried to find that love again. I prayed for that. For the right moment that love will come back again. I prayed that God wouldn't stop pulling me back to you cause it was you who brought me closer to Him and made me discover what I am passionate about. It was you who brought me out of my shell and the me-existent world. It was you who made me discover what my mission and purpose in life is. I continue to attend prayer meetings, assemblies no matter how I much I was hurting inside. And that's why I struggled and here I am, on my 11th CLP tonight and God chose this time to bring the love back.


Yes, the storms continue to rage and I'm struggling amidst the hurt. But there's this tiny, tiny spark of hope that the storm will die down, eventually. The wounds are so deep that it'll take time to heal. But I know it will. Yes, I will allow myself to fall in love with you again. I know another heartbreak is coming and it scares me. The fear, the pain, I'm offering it all to the One who orchestrated our paths to cross. I will allow myself to love you again with wild abandon. I was hoping that in a way, when we'll be forcibly separated again, that you'll stand up for me. But hey, no talking about separations just yet, we have just been reunited, remember?


So I pray for you every single day. Especially those that leads your direction, that it will suddenly take a U-Turn at some point and that love of God and the least will prevail. Cherishing our present. Let's take it one day at a time. Thrilled to have more adventures with you, to learn more exciting things with you, and to give our all together as one big family so that God may be glorified. Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!


Love lots,
Maymay


*now this is one long entry. Haha. Got carried away.


From The Right to Write (Chapter 4): 


"Writing wants to be written. Writing loves a writer the way God loves a true devotee. Writing will fill your life if you let it."

DAY 2: Life-long Dream

5 months. Away from home. It's been five months and three days now that I've been away from the family, friends and environment that I've spent my last 11 years of existence. Homesick? Totally!!! There are just those mornings that I wish I have my younger sisters and brothers beside me especially on Sundays when we all decide to sleep in.  I miss hearing my mama's voice call us for breakfast and this I miss the most, waking up unusually a little earlier than we used to because Papa's booming voice just wouldn't stop 'til everyone's up. Haha. Difficult, yes, but every difficulty can be surpassed, with God's grace. Thankfully, the foundation was planted deep in my heart that this is really what I wanted to do.


This I often shared when I was still in school, that all I want to do after I finish school is become a missionary. Nothing more. I remember the many times that I was asked over and over again if this is what I really wanted, and without hesitation, I would enthusiastically replied, YES. No if's and no but's. My life-long dream has always been to give back the glory to the One who planted this desire in my heart, to work in GK. And I have my family most especially my papa to thank for. My lifetime and years of working as a missionary will surely not be enough but I am hoping that the love and the divine providence that He has blessed me and my family with will reach the people who is after His own heart, the least, the wounded, the lost.


The voyage will not be smooth sailing. Who says it is and will be? Being away from the comforts of home and the people who loves me is not easy, but who says the journey towards heaven is? I am just hoping and really excited that one day, when my time will come to meet the Great Guy up there, He'll be the one to welcome me in the pearly gates of heaven with His dazzling white robe with His arms wide open saying, "Well done my good and faithful servant. You have loved! Good job, Maymay! Welcome home, welcome to paradise."


But for now, I'll take in what is set before me. The unbearable pain brought about by the wounds of loving, the immeasurable joy of being able to share all of me without expecting anything in return, the ginormous tank of blessings waiting to be poured so that I can have so much more to give. The gift of family, friends, and fellow missionaries in Christ's vineyard. The gift of loving and being loved unexpectedly. Surprises, surprises. They just doesn't stop coming. And may all of us be blessed and confident in knowing that we have God up there who is gazing at us every single minute of our life here on earth, crying and laughing with us and awaiting our return to everlasting life.


From The Right to Write (Chapter 4): 
"Taking the time to write in our lives gives us the time of our lives. "

DAY 1: All Over Again

I sometimes ponder why some things are just meant to happen once and some events happen repeatedly. Like a deja vu. Like this 30 day challenge that was supposed to end a few months ago. And just because I abruptly ended it at day 9 out of sheer laziness, now I have to do it all over again. The difference? I promised to be more dedicated at present and that I have no reason at all not to be able to do so. Resources had been provided and God has generously blessed me with the resources, earlier than expected. Just one of His usual, big time, everyday surprises. And I found myself a team to cheer me on in this 30-day journey. Wootwoot! Thank God for amazing friends. (at this time, I decided to close the FB and twitter window since they're making me veer away from the moment.)

Most of the happy times tend not to repeat itself  (on a personal point of view and no scientific study or whatsoever has been conducted about it yet.). When years or even months pass by, we often find our self, alone or with someone, trying to reminisce and relive that moment just to remind us of that happy time. And somehow, happy moments tend to be different than the other. The bad times happen repeatedly (not at all times though). Tragic or not. Big time or a small deal. It's weird like that. But I read in one of Paolo Coelho's book (which I can't remember where...I think it's in his Warrior of Light) one of the best answers to my pondering. Unfavorable circumstances occur all over again in our lives whenever we somehow didn't get the moral that that circumstance wants to impart. I read that few sentences over and over again cause it just strucked me. Let's just say I have a dose of "all over again" experiences to affirm Paolo Coelho's statement and it just amazed me that he get to sum it all up in one sentence. 

The wisdom that comes from the learned and the wise just completely blows me away. And they reach that state of wisdom-ness because of years of experience, adventure, listening, reading and reverent praying. Which I would really love to be in, someday. There's this other man's wisdom too that never fails to leave me in awe every time I read his articles and listen to him speak about love of God and country. We call him the all time love guru just because when he gets to know you more, he is simply more interested with your love life than anyone else. No kidding! Haha Read his timely articles whenever he feels like writing too. (plug ng plug ng www.gk1world.com, okay ba? Haha)

God has his own way of just bringing us to where He wants us to be, to grant the deepest desires of our heart. As always. Repetition of definite events in our life, painful or not, will always have an important lesson to impart. Doing certain things all over again may not be our idea of living the life that we want. But if that's what it takes to  just hit the head of the nail, to let the message come across, it will definitely happen again. God loves us too much not to let His lessons of sacrifice, forgiveness, sharing, giving and loving find their way to us.

*Yay, did all four today!! The 5th one, I'm about to do, after this.

From The Right to Write (Chapter 2&3): 

"When we just let ourselves write, we get it "right"."

"Let yourself write. Let yourself listen,"

"We can either "think a plot up" or we can "jot a plot down". " FROM ME: the other strains, the other liberates. Great point right here.

"Forget yourself."

"When we forget ourselves, when we let go of being good and settle into just being a writer, we begin to have the experience of writing through us."

Begin where you are.

Begin where you are.

It's 12:40 AM and I'm still up. I was supposed to blog earlier but family comes buzzing me in Skype and my supposedly one-hour or two devoted to reading and writing is reduced to a 30 minute cramming to catch up some zzzzzz's before a busy Monday.

It's kinda weird that it's been two months now that I've been putting aside books. To think I have four books stocked up in my roommate's table. I just lost my interest in them. Just like that. And I've stopped blogging regularly. Just like that. So sudden. But I am just so happy and giddy that I'm planning and forcing and bribing myself to get back. on track. of reading and writing again. I have these recent spur of the moment encounters that made me want to read and write again.

1. Back in Cebu, National Bookstore Ayala is a haven for me.  I never let a week pass by without dropping by or staying there for hours. And especially during college days, it has been one of my favorite place to escape to whenever I feel pressured (as if...haha) on many stuff that's going on in my life. Before I even came to work here in Manila a few months ago, I promise myself to find a nearby NBS or Fully-Booked that I can run to whenever. Nothing beats Fully-Booked in The Fort but it's 3 rides away from where I currently live and work so it won't work that much. But I recently discovered another book haven in Greenbelt where I can possibly sit and squat and read all the books I want. That discovery awakened my love and yearning for books again. Hooray!!!

2. I had this 30 day blog challenge a month after I arrived here in the big city and I promised myself that I would document every life and story that touches me and every struggle that I have conquered. That I would be able to share my journey towards self-discovery. God never fails to surprise me with His love-filled day to day plans for me and I would very much love to share the path that I choose to walk on. But it lasted for just 9 days. Psh. And for almost 2 months, I suddenly stopped writing. At times, especially times when I'm sooooooo inspired and I feel I have so much love to give because God has loved me generously, I find myself wanting to go find a pen and a sheet of paper to write on because there's no laptop or a desktop in sight and then I go, okay later, when I'm at home, I have to write about this and share it to other people so they too can be inspired. Which obviously, I didn't get to do. Procrastination has done a good job messing with me these few months. And I have decided to put an end to it. Right at this moment. at 1:14 AM.

3. Because people are asking me to write stories of hope here and there so that makes me want to widen my vocabulary, remember a few "oomph" words that goes right with a statement and give justice to an inspiration and fall in love with writing again. So many amazingly inspiring stories to write!! God just blows us away, every single day. More of them at www.gk1world.com

Now, I feel refreshed that I actually get to write down something no matter how senseless in a way it is. The moral, you just have to start somewhere so you can get things done. or for you to get back on track.

So I'm doing a 30 day challenge once again. Why 30? Cause I read somewhere and my bestfriend affirmed me that a thing becomes a habit after 30 days of doing it. I just forgot why. All I can figure out for now is that 30 days makes a month. Right? Street smart answer. Woohoo! LOL

The catch is that, I am not only blogging for 30 days straight, I'm having other 30 day challenges as well. And I would loooooove if someone could join me. :)
1. 30 day blogging challenge
2. Read a chapter or two a day from THE RIGHT TO WRITE by Julia Cameron. or better yet finish two books within 30 days.
3. Do my Human Heart Nature regimen once again. Haha. I tend to skip a day or even 2 just because I'm too lazy and I'm not used to doing those beauty stuff but I would very much like to support a Pro-Poor, Pro-Philippines, Pro-Environment product line so here I am trying to do this. Product review? some other time perhaps.
4. Make a To Do List before I leave the office. I have this major tendency to forget things and work that I need to get back to. Which frustrates me at times that it makes me want to solve algebra or trigonometry to make my brain restart or something. My memory is draining too soon. A glimpse of memory gap at its early stage.
5. Prayertime. I miss my God. :)

Thank you, Kuya Kirby and Ate Sky, for your blogs that continue to inspire. And to my bestfriends, please do write again. :) Join me!!!

So who wants to join me in this 30 day voyage? Just say aye, aye Captain and we will go sailing to the unknown and exciting blue waters of tomorrow. Yay!

Let's do this!!!

From The Right to Write (Chapter 1):

"Writing is like breathing. I believe that. I believe we all come into life as writers. We are born with a gift for language and it comes to us within months as we begin to name our world."


"Writing goes much better when we don't work at it so much....writing is like a good pair of pajamas-comfortable."


"Wherever you are is the entry point."