DAY 3: Dear You

...this is gonna be a short post since I just got home from a Singles for Christ Christian Life Program and I have to prepare my stuff for our travel to CamSur tomorrow and I have to be early in the office tomorrow. Well, earlier than the time that I usually go to the office which is...okay, I won't tell cause I can hear you telling me, "That.is.not.at.all.early!!!" Another reason is that I have to finish writing the entry that I wrote last night in my other blog.  (That other blog no longer existed.) Tired, sleepy but totally psyched and excited!!!


I realized how much I miss the community that I grew up in and I love. So I can never find a better way to say everything that I want to say but in a way that I know best, writing a letter.


Dear You,
I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have nurtured my family and has been an excellent venue for my family to know and love God, to be closer to Him each and everyday. It is you who taught us that the greatest expression of loving God is going beyond oneself, beyond our family and beyond our community. So you have led us to the slums, to the lost, to the least, bringing with us the important values of caring and sharing that you have instilled in our minds and in our hearts. Thus, Gawad Kalinga was born.


Unforeseen circumstances and outrageous storms came that rocked our world which even made me question if this is still the will of God? But then again, who am I to question His wisdom of things not yet seen? And it ended up that my love for you have dwindled. That happened twice. Heartbroken. Wounded. I never thought that I would be able to cry on many consecutive nights and simply thinking of all the heartbreaks that this has caused on the people I love never fails to make me rush into somewhere secluded and made me shed a tear or two. I prayed earnestly. I prayed harder, harder than when I prayed for my little brother's bestfriend who we almost lost due to dengue. My papa never said anything but I know deep inside he was hurting. Really, really hurt. But then, as he always says, "Focus not on the mission of God but on the God of the mission." and that he would always remind me to just focus on doing what you've always taught us from the very start, to continue to share God's love and bring glad tidings to the poor disregarding someone's faith and belief but as long as someone needs our love and care.


I found myself being distant. But I know you know that I tried to find that love again. I prayed for that. For the right moment that love will come back again. I prayed that God wouldn't stop pulling me back to you cause it was you who brought me closer to Him and made me discover what I am passionate about. It was you who brought me out of my shell and the me-existent world. It was you who made me discover what my mission and purpose in life is. I continue to attend prayer meetings, assemblies no matter how I much I was hurting inside. And that's why I struggled and here I am, on my 11th CLP tonight and God chose this time to bring the love back.


Yes, the storms continue to rage and I'm struggling amidst the hurt. But there's this tiny, tiny spark of hope that the storm will die down, eventually. The wounds are so deep that it'll take time to heal. But I know it will. Yes, I will allow myself to fall in love with you again. I know another heartbreak is coming and it scares me. The fear, the pain, I'm offering it all to the One who orchestrated our paths to cross. I will allow myself to love you again with wild abandon. I was hoping that in a way, when we'll be forcibly separated again, that you'll stand up for me. But hey, no talking about separations just yet, we have just been reunited, remember?


So I pray for you every single day. Especially those that leads your direction, that it will suddenly take a U-Turn at some point and that love of God and the least will prevail. Cherishing our present. Let's take it one day at a time. Thrilled to have more adventures with you, to learn more exciting things with you, and to give our all together as one big family so that God may be glorified. Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!


Love lots,
Maymay


*now this is one long entry. Haha. Got carried away.


From The Right to Write (Chapter 4): 


"Writing wants to be written. Writing loves a writer the way God loves a true devotee. Writing will fill your life if you let it."